sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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