yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
