I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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