I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
