There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
