the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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