Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
