My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
