ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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