Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
