I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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