I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
