You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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