We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
