Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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