I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
