I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He kissed a someone with a penis
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
