I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
