Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
