dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
