I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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