so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
