there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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