tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
