they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
