angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
