eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
