remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
