She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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