watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
