omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
