mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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