I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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