sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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