I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
So squirting runs in the family.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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