Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
