11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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