I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
