Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
