I think my fart just growled at me.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I looked at my own cervix.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
