I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
