Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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