Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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