i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
