the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
