you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
