he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
