Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
NoShamevember. You game?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
