Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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