last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
