He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
